It’s official canon that there are cats living in Skyhold so please imagine:
one of the cats somehow getting into the war room and just plopping itself down right in the middle of all those carefully placed markers and turning the organized map into absolute chaos because a nice sunbeam was shining on the table.
cats sleeping on the inquisitor’s throne (or alternatively clawing it to pieces)
cats in the infirmary lifting people’s spirits and keeping the injured warm
cats snuggled up beside Storvacker when she’s in Skyhold
someone making little inquisition uniforms for the cats to make them honorary inquisition members. The cats just fall over and refuse to move when they’re forced to wear the uniforms and Skyhold is left with a bunch of immobile, angry cats lying on the ground and twitching their tails. Later it’s decided that the cats will just wear inquisition collars instead
each cat having at least ten names because everyone calls them something different leading to some confusion and in one extreme instance, a duel over what one cat should be called
(Feel free to add more Skyhold cat shenanigans)
Cats chasing after Leliana’s ravens, sending squawking noises throughout the tower
Cats curling up in Dorian’s chair when he’s not there, leaving little tufts of fur that drive him mad when they stick to his clothes
Cats sitting on top of Cassandra’s practice dummies, tails twitching as she turns away and decides not to disturb them
Cats in the tavern, walking between people’s legs under the tables, rubbing against Iron Bull in an effort to be scritched between the ears
Cats scratching on Cullen’s tower door until he irritably lets them in, but allows them with a sigh to settle on top of his completed reports as he finishes the rest
Cats standing on the Inquisitor’s face in the middle of the night, meowing
Cats running along the ramparts while fond guards frantically try to keep them from falling off Skyhold’s walls
Cats stepping in Solas’ paints and tracking colour all through the main hall which Josie has an absolute fit about
Varric tried to pat one once but it turned out to be Morrigan trying to take a quiet nap in the garden… he now asks every cat if they’re a mage or not
Cole, being unusually good at befriending felines, ends up recruiting some of them to help him help others and now some of the cats leave random trinkets for people on his behalf
Cats meowing at inappropriate times, yowling in the darkness and scaring the night patrol, in the middle of a criminal’s trial, trying to sing a long with Maryden, while Cullen’s trying to teach recruits
I wanted to add the tags @warrior032 reblogged this with because they were A++
Dorian claims to hate them but there’re at least three that will only let him pet them. He has to share his chair in the library with them.
A little calico that sits on the edge of Solas’ desk (and isn’t that ironic)
Bull has a ton of kittens and they are all named after the chargers and when he tells a story it’s anyone’s guess if he’s talking about the person or the cat.
A big grey floofy one likes to sit in varric’s lap while he’s writing or telling stories (and if it also happens to shred letters from the guild, well varric is perfectly fine with that)
A particularly grumpy and kind of shaggy looking one who will let no one near it until Cole comes along and the cat ends up draped around Cole’s shoulders half the time or curled into his lap. “He doesn’t like the noise. He just wants to sit where it’s warm so his bones don’t hurt”
Catquisition
Josephine found Cullen glaring down at the War Table like a man with a particularly intractable problem. Since the Orlesian civil war had come to a negotiated peace and the Empress’ army had joined the Inquisition against Corypheus’ forces, he’d seemed more confident. She came up beside him to see if diplomatic efforts could aid military problems. “What’s so difficult.”
Cullen pointed to the middle of the War Table, and Josephine spotted a small lump of shining darkness hunched on a particularly vital part of the Orlais-Ferelden border, In the middle of a puddle of sunshine streaming through the War Room’s high windows. Force markers had been scattered like toys. “I’m trying to drive him out by siege,” Cullen said quietly. “So far, it isn’t working.”
The cat could not have weighed more than half a stone. “Just grab him,” Josie said, but made no move to do so.
“Tried,” Cullen said morosely and held up one hand. A bandage had been wrapped around his hand. Blood soaked the cloth and oozed down his fingers. “Waiting him out seems the better solution.”
Josie looked at the cat. He was very small. Malevolent golden eyes blinked slowly, and then the cat yawned displaying a mouth full of needle-sharp fangs. She stepped to one side to try and get a look at the cat’s neck without coming too close, then wrote out a brief note and sent it off with her aide. “Commander, you must be ready to call for reinforcements when the situation is dire.”
“I trained for years to face demons,” Cullen said morosely. “Calling for help seemed a little excessive.”
“If I’m right, this is a situation for diplomacy,” Josephine said. “There’s no shame in negotiating when you can save yourself blood by doing so.”
“Or I can call for an archer,” Cullen grumbled, then fell silent as the War Room door opened. Leliana strode in, followed by Josephine’s aide.
The spymaster stopped at the edge of the War Table and set a hand on her hip. “Mr. Hessarian!” she cooed, holding out her other hand palm-down and making scratching motions at the air. “Come here!”
The cat pushed himself upright at a speed normally reserved for glaciers or Orlesian heavy infantry. Then, one careful step at a time, he sauntered to the edge of the table with his tail held high like a victorious flag. Even with paws smaller than Fereldan copper coins, every step managed to knock over one or more markers on the table. “Come on, Mr Hessarian,” Leliana coaxed, “Baron Plucky misses you.”
When the cat reached the edge of the table, he jumped down and followed Leliana out of the War Room, weaving in and out around her ankles as if dancing with her.
“Baron Plucky?” Cullen asked in the ensuing silence. “Is that the cat-”
“That sleeps with her ravens? Yes,” Josephine said with a little laugh. “An opponent with formidable allies of his own.”
Cullen rolled his eyes at her, but did not contradict her as he grabbed tokens and began to set the War Table to rights. “The Inquisitor does not need to hear of this,” he grumbled.
“She won’t, as long as you get that hand looked at,” Josephine said with a laugh.
Someone asked where Vivienne was in this post and since there is definitely a distinct lack of Madame De Fer here I’m going attempt to fix that.
-There’s one cat that no one tries to befriend. It’s not a handsome creature, its fur is patchy and flea ridden. The cat clearly has a bad experience with people and the scars to prove it. It is hardly picturesque as cats go and yet it is the most dignified of all the cats in skyhold. No one will go near it for fear that it might attack them, that is until it meets Vivienne. The cat must sense a kindred spirit because it immediately warms up to Vivienne (though the high quality, expensive, orlesian cat treats could have something to do with it). Under Vivienne’s care the cat is transformed from a scraggly stray into a well-trained, well-groomed, creature fit to warm the lap of a king. The cat only ever wants to curl up on Vivienne’s lap though. The cat is a comfort to Vivienne after Bastien’s death. Around the cat she can be absolutely herself and relax, for a moment The Game takes a back seat to cuddling a purring feline.
*intensely wants to draw the Catquisition*
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