“Help, I’ve fallen glamorously and I can’t get up ;]”
![xorestesfastingx:
“ chae-min:
“ “Help, I’ve fallen glamorously and I can’t get up ;]” ”
All of the other mannequins look like they’re so sick of his shit.
“God damn it, Jerry’s at it again.
”](https://64.media.tumblr.com/67a68125ccf7cd01078591031d0bd04b/tumblr_mkuapxFIX61ql2603o1_500.jpg)
All of the other mannequins look like they’re so sick of his shit.
“God damn it, Jerry’s at it again.
The Future Is Awesome 🕑
Future Thomas: Hey, I’m you from the future!
Past Thomas: Really?? Do I have lots of friends??
Future Thomas: Two really good ones.
Past Thomas: No more naps though, right?
Future Thomas: Way more naps.
Past Thomas: Am I at least rich?!
Future Thomas: I’m actually here to ask if you have a twenty…
Years ago, you promised your firstborn to a witch. Since then, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to get laid. The witch is starting to get pretty pissed.
Y’all get together to discuss your options and she starts coaching you on how to get men because she doesn’t want to waste more magic on you without promise of payment. The more time you guys spend together the more you realize you have a bit of a crush on her. Soon you’re sabotaging your dates on purpose to see her again.
Long story short you fall in love and get married and do the sperm donor thing AND YOUR FIRSTBORN IS HERS BY DEFAULT and you live happily ever after. The end.
Baby cries in the middle of the night
Witch: Ughhhhh. It’s your turn.
You: You bought it. You handle it.
When choosing a perfume, consider how the scent will add to the ambience of your hauntings. Complement the oak rustling over your grave, the low slant of sunlight in your study, the claw-footed bathtub you tragically drown in.
Do you want your lover to smile through their tears when a breeze lifts the curtains and they catch a hint of Thierry Mugler’s Angel? When your murderer, the heir to your estate, looks up and sees the chandelier falling, do you want his last thought to be “Is that Marc Jacobs Daisy?”
This is the sweetest sentiment. I want to be like that.
One of the greatest lessons I learned. Quit judging other people’s appearance. It’s good for YOU and them.
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