Witch Tip #154

morkaischosen:

kittydesade:

violent-darts:

onlyinankhmorpork:

dovewithscales:

copperbadge:

breelandwalker:

dharmagun:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

witchtips:

Wearing a peach pit around your neck will ward off evil.

Bad witch tip: several peach pits and a sling shot will ward of everything else

worse witch tip: a few peach pits correctly distilled will produce cyanide, which should sort yer problems out nicely.

Chaotic Good, Chaotic Neutral, Chaotic Evil

Magrat, Nanny Ogg, Granny Weatherwax. 

Still worse witch tip: The skulls of the people you poisoned with the cyanide can be used in spells to compel the evil you were warding off to do your bidding.

aaaand there’s Black Aliss.

Long term tip: planting a peach-tree from the peach-pit will give you peaches, which taste good, and can be used to produce social alliances within the community, and also to make peaches and cream, which is I’ve found more effective at warding off evil than anything bar salt and iron. 

Plus other witches will then come to you looking for peach pits. 

While we’re talking about peaches, never accept them from suspiciously pretty men with pointy smiles and self-contradictory invitations. 

I don’t think it really needs saying at this point, but we have our Tiffany.

blueandbluer:

pulltheotheroneithasbellson:

kariachi:

mrtacomam:

defilerwyrm:

thatickything:

seasonoftowers:

equalistmako:

disgruntledturtle:

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

well you did ask

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.