out-of-context quotes from my theatre history professor
“It’s rough being anybody in Ancient Greece.”
“you may say, ’I really wanna know’- you really don’t wanna know-”
“Someone’s gonna kill you eventually and it might as well be someone you know.”
“Greek Comedy is essentially sex, love, eating, and excreting.”
“It’s MIME TIME”
“A mostly good and definitely sweaty time was had by all.”
“Wackiness ensues, basically.”
“If you actively wanted to trample us, we couldn’t stop you-”
“That is not, in my experience, nor in the annals of history, the way nuns roll.”
“He’s just more interesting to read about than frickin’ Julius Caesar and his frickin’ Gaulic Wars!”
“Because the dog isn’t actually a dog- it’s another god in disguise and he just pops out like in Alien-“
“Don’t you worry, the monkeys are coming.”
“The girl resurrects but not in a zombie way, she just pops up like ‘I’M BACK’”
“Saints are like vampires, you gotta chop off the head to be sure.”
“Here’s your cherry and your bird and your tennis ball, you’re Jesus, congratulations.”
“And to be brutally honest, a bit of prostitution as well-”
“you can tell it’s gonna be a good day because I’m already talking really fast.”
“Anyway, the gunpowder plot was discovered- I don’t know, maybe someone looked in the basement and said ‘wow, that’s a surprising amount of gunpowder in there!’”
“Blatant homoeroticism… that’s what audiences really enjoy.”
“You’re a king, you can sleep with whoever you want, but HAVE SOME STANDARDS!”
“So he goes up to her tower and stabs her. And then… Oh, why does he stab her? Was I not clear about that? He stabs her because he loves her. It’s a love stabbing.”
“Hence he wrote a version of Terence’s Women of Andros which he cleverly called… Women of Andros.”
“Hey, would you be interested in coming over to, I don’t know… usurp the King of England?”
“And William said, look, I can’t cure your disease… I’m just a guy who likes to sit on a big chair…”
“Cynical, witty, generally horny.”GUEST PROFESSOR BONUS
“It’s so metaphysical, it’s a total- does your professor curse? yeah?- it’s a total mindfuck-”
